Hope

Hint's gastritis is here again, after 4 months of symptom free. The last time he had it was last September, during Nad's reception in KL. Aku memang tak boleh tahan kalau tengok dia kena gastrik, teruk ya rabbi. I dah expect he's in pain bila dia mesej aku suruh beli ubat gastric dia which we still have at home but he couldnt find it. And because my work place is 40minutes from home, he went to clinic alone sebab tak tahan sangat dah.

Only Allah knows how scared I am to see him like that. Aku balik kerja je tengok dia tengah baring atas sofa in severe pain. He just had a jab 2 hours before I reached home (around 5,30pm), one dose of ranitidine eff, and norgesic. That was just too much for me to feed him with medication again. I dont see any problem as his diet is same like few months back. It might be he took his meal late or food intolerance to which i suspect limau cina is the culprit.

After maghrib aku masuk dapur nak masak, then I found out kepala gas tu adalah rosak so api tak boleh nak menyala. Adoiii. So I cooked nasik in microwave and lauk dalam deep fryer. Pandai2 la buat benda tu jadi multipurpose. But he just ate 2 suap then he stopped. I brought him water but he just took few sips. Lepas tu aku macam sedih then I stopped eating as well. Aku bangun tutup tv, tutup lampu, and I sat in the dark near him. Tiba2 rasa ada tangan sentuh kepala aku, he said "Sorry adik, bukan taknak makan, tapi tak boleh nak telan.." At 9.30pm, he was still in pain. Aku tak tau nak buat apa, because this pain is inside, bukan macam demam, boleh lap2, boleh tuam kepala, boleh tutup kipas bagi keluar peluh2. 

Now at this 1 am, I am still awake, while he is sleeping beside me. Whenever dia tersedar, I notice he's trying his best to communicate with me like "eh, signal berkelip, boleh surf ke?" (referring to internet connection) or he took my hand to in his or "Awak tido la kalau mengantuk". I cant sleep, aku risau kalau jadi apa-apa nanti aku tak sedar. I told myself, kalau Subuh nanti dia still sakit, want it or not, I'll bring him to hospital. 

And again, I would always prefer his snores to interrupt my night than listening to his pain. It hurts me when yesterday I was greeted with smiles and laughs but today he has to force himself to talk just to make sure I dont feel bad. I beg u Ya Allah, sembuhkan dia... I still need him to take care of me....