Velvet

Oh hello. It almost 3 months this 16th. Just like the gynae said, hey you have to wait at least 3 months before you you conceive again. I havent started my folic acid nor my formula milk. Ok i know i have to. I have this thing on mind that ermmm are we ready? You know after all that happened. I never put on the subject in our daily conversation. I dont want him to look at me as impatient but being a woman, sapa taknak weh? Early marriage, we were agreed to conceive late 2011 but well accident happened, then it was not our rezeki.

There was twice when we talked, then he put on the subject. Like when I was watching hindi movies I always said "lets go to Indiaaaaaaa next yearrrrrr pleaseeeeeeeee". Then he said, ada baby time tu, nak pergi macam mana? I was like, "did he just said that?" Or when I cant sleep last week, I woke him up and said sedih. I was sedih because that night - he spent the whole night with internet and not talking to me, but you know what he asked? "Nak baby ke?" Sumpah aku gelak! If i wanted a baby takkan la tengah2 malam 3-4 pagi aku gerak? Adoi...Another thing he said, get the time to bersalin bulan 3 jelah, boleh celebrate birthday dengan saya..

Well its January. Another 4 months to our 1st anniversary. Cepat kan? I ermmmmm want to conceive again but at the same time I am scared. Believe me miscarriage is so painful physically and emotionally. I dont know why everytime I write this thing mesti rasa nak nangis. Sebab tu aku malas nak cakap pasal benda ni. Tapi kadang2 terpikir kat otak nak buat macam mana?

Have I told you masa aku pregnant dulu aku pernah mimpi masa tu aku bersalin at 3 months pregnant. Tak tau la tu mimpi setan nak kacau ke apa, when I think back, I become so scared because it happens in reality. Difference is, dalam mimpi that baby is alive, but in reality its not. Ouch.